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Sunday, November 28, 2010

Things left unsaid....

I've been having some inner turmoil lately about biting my tongue. There are some things that all of my inner being wants to scream out at the top of my lungs. There are some things that I want to be able to tell people while looking them in the eyes. But I'm having issues with if saying/screaming said things would make things better or worse. If it would change anything or just complicate things. I really don't know what the outcome would be, because it really relies on the reaction(s) of the other person/people. It's so frustrating to sit here and think about it. Thinking of how good things could become or how quickly they could become bad....it all depends on the receiving end. What a twisted thing.....I can't even tell if biting my tongue or being loose lipped is the better idea.

Guhhhh. Whatever. I miss you all. Every single one of you. What I'd love to do right now is to sit down in a little cafe and have awesomely deep conversations with everyone that I consider close/loved. And not have to worry about offending or changing anything between our relationship together, whatever it is that it may be. But for now, I'm going to continue to wonder if I should continue suppressing things or if I should just remove the barriers.

2 comments:

Christine Leigh said...

I relate so much! For me, it's an issue of self-disclosure. People will tell me things, and I do not yet know them well, and I feel so new to this not-being-an-open-book-all-the-time thing. Or an issue of gentle bluntness, but in the land of passive-aggression I realize honesty is poorly received. It's weird. Walls. I dislike them. I am seeking something similar here, something I had back East but left. Shucks. If I were in Japan I'd meet you up for tea <3

Tara said...

Thanks! I wish we could meet up in a cafe and just chat. Maybe if I'm in your area sometime. :]

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