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Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Me against the world.

Living alone has taught me quite a bit about life in general. Well, at least my life. I get lonely pretty quickly. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I'm in a foreign country and literally can go for days without talking to someone in English, if I don't talk to friends back in the states. I'm not saying I'm like a total loner over here or anything. I have friends here, really good ones actually. But they have lives to live too and families that they have to take care of. I hate feeling like I'm intruding on other people's personal time, so I do stay home alone quite a bit. It gives me a lot of time to think.

Sometimes it really feels like it's just me against the world. That whatever I do, it only directly impacts me and my time here. I can obviously have a little impact on other people, but ultimately they will and can continue on with their lives, whether I'm a part of it or not. The world isn't going to change, but I can if I feel the need to. I can adapt to new things, take them in stride as much as possible, and try to have whatever life it is that I want, if I try hard enough.

I'm starting to really think about the future. What it is that I want out of life. If you know me personally, you probably know that I have at least a little zest for life. I like doing fun and adventurous things, even some that may be slightly on the dangerous side. But it's the rush of adrenaline that makes it worth it, makes you fear a little for your life and be thankful to be alive. I can't remember the last time I did something that actually made me a little bit scared that I might not make it through it. I really really want to bungee jump off of a tall bridge sometime in my life. The sooner, the better. I've found a place in Nepal that does it. So maybe I'll be taking a vacation to Nepal sometime soon. :]

There's so much stuff that I haven't done so far. I'm 24 right now....not ancient by any means, but sometimes I feel like I haven't done enough at this point in my life....like I'm behind. Everyone says I'm still young, I'm still a baby, I have so much life left to live. And the majority of me wants to believe that. But what if I don't? I mean, I lost one of my best friends a few years ago at 21....he wasn't done living life, not even close. So many plans for the future that will never be accomplished. It scares me. I want to experience so many things during my time on this planet, however long or short that may be. But that's one of the wonders of life.....when it ends. Most of us never know. I hope I grow to be an old, wrinkly bag that can use senility to get out of some of the shenanigans I'll still be wanting to pull when I'm on one of those motorized scooters instead of my legs. But don't we all?

So...it's me against the world. Everyday. I just wonder what my life story will be like and if it'll ever be exciting enough for someone else to relay to other people....

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