Sunday, November 28, 2010

Things left unsaid....

I've been having some inner turmoil lately about biting my tongue. There are some things that all of my inner being wants to scream out at the top of my lungs. There are some things that I want to be able to tell people while looking them in the eyes. But I'm having issues with if saying/screaming said things would make things better or worse. If it would change anything or just complicate things. I really don't know what the outcome would be, because it really relies on the reaction(s) of the other person/people. It's so frustrating to sit here and think about it. Thinking of how good things could become or how quickly they could become all depends on the receiving end. What a twisted thing.....I can't even tell if biting my tongue or being loose lipped is the better idea.

Guhhhh. Whatever. I miss you all. Every single one of you. What I'd love to do right now is to sit down in a little cafe and have awesomely deep conversations with everyone that I consider close/loved. And not have to worry about offending or changing anything between our relationship together, whatever it is that it may be. But for now, I'm going to continue to wonder if I should continue suppressing things or if I should just remove the barriers.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Living alone in Japan.

If you asked me if I would ever be living in a foreign country, alone, about a year ago...I would have laughed at you. But here I am. Learning as I go.

I've found that I have a love/hate relationship with the individual heating units in each room in my Japanese house. I love the fact that I don't have to pay to heat the whole house all the time, especially since there are rooms that are rarely getting used right now. Saving money is awesome. I also love that I can heat just my bedroom during the night and by the morning, the sun shining through the windows has most of the downstairs a tolerable temperature. However, my hate comes in for them really quickly when I take my barefooted-in shorts and a tank top-self out of my room to use the bathroom. Or brush my teeth. Or go down to the kitchen to get something to drink. I literally go from comfortable to shaking with chills. I don't like sleeping in socks, pajama pants (they bunch up when you sleep!) or long sleeves. Heck, guests are lucky that I'll even throw clothes on half the time in the summer. Juuuust kiddingggg.....kinda. :]

Anyways, I just had one of those 78 degrees in my room to below 50 degrees outside of it trips a few minutes ago. It sparked me. I had to share my love/hate relationship.

Oh, and I'm also reaching that point of "I haven't talked to someone in days so I'm a little crazy when I do actually have human interaction". It's entertaining to say the least. I need a roommate. Or a pet. They said we couldn't have a cat or a dog. They never said anything about turtles......